Years ago, right before I met the love of my life, I remember this long conversation I had with God.
Here’s a snippet of how that went…
I can’t do this anymore. If all guys are going to act the same, I’m afraid it just won’t do. I’d rather be alone honestly. But you know as well as I do, I’m not very good at being left alone. When I’m alone, I make stupid dating mistakes and when I’m not alone, I make stupid relationship mistakes. Every guy I choose, is unavailable to me, or bad for me. And believe me, I’m not interested in chasing after another loser just to have my heart broken again.
So, please, please, please, do me a favor. Make it so I’m content to be alone. Make it so my days are so full and busy, I don’t have time to care about this nonsense. Take away my worries. Make it so I just want to pour myself into getting closer to you, raising my kids, climbing the corporate ladder, or anything easier than looking for love.
I’m so over it.
Unless, you want to take over. I mean, if anyone can find the perfect guy for me, it’s you. Clearly, I’ve done a terrible job at it. But you! You know everyone and everything. I don’t even know if there’s a man in this world made just for me, but if there is, you would know. You can find him and make it happen. And if not, if the plan is for me to live out the rest of my life on my own like my grandma did, then… well, that’s fine too. Just give me the strength to carry out your will.
What kind of guy would I want? Well, surely, you know better than I. Oh, you want me to get a picture in my mind of what I’m looking for, kind of like that old saying, you can’t have what you ask for, until you know what you want. I get it. You want me to think of the ideal guy, one without all the extra selfish hang-ups I usually encounter. Okay. Hmmm.
Most girls say they just want a guy who can make them laugh but I know for a fact that’s setting the bar too low. No, no. You also need a guy who’s willing to provide for his family, not one who expects everything done for him. Nothing worse than having to raise a guy as if he’s another one of your kids. A guy who’ll protect you, not mistreat you. A guy who is faithful. Duh. You’d think that’s a given but, guess not everyone believes in monogamy. A smart, confident guy who doesn’t get jealous easily or need constant ego-stroking.
I guess, I always went after the proverbial “bad boy” because it seemed exciting but I’m done with boys. I’d love to meet a real God-fearing man. Oh, but not the greasy deacon type, not that there’s anything wrong with that. I just mean a guy who has a heart for you but who’s not too prim or polished. Someone rugged and strong and handsome. I’m so tired of weaklings. But someone who’d never purposely hurt me to make himself feel better. Someone who’s been through stuff and overcome it… like me.
If I’m dreaming here, it would be nice to have a guy who loves my kids too. My ex says no one will want me with three kids in tow. I’ve heard that before. Maybe it’s true. Maybe, I’m supposed to live alone, but since you asked, I’m just letting you know, it’s kind of a big deal the guy accepts my kids. I know, it’s obvious. Just seems like it could be an issue possibly. I know. I know. You are all powerful and you know what you’re doing. That’s why I don’t mind asking. I know you can do anything.
Maybe, I should boil it down to one sentence now. Okay. Hmm. Well, let’s see. How can I describe all I want from a relationship in one sentence? Something I’ve never known before. Okay…
I want someone who’ll love me. No, wait… that’s not enough. That’s really too easy if you think about it, especially considering most people don’t even know what love is.
How about… someone willing to put as much into a relationship as I do? But I’m guessing that’s what a normal relationship looks like anyway.
Wait! I’ve got it. Okay, I know exactly what I’m looking for in a man, a partner, a husband…
I want a man who will cherish me the way you do.
Yes, that’s it. That sums it up…
A man who will cherish me.
What is that like, Lord?
I listen to this knowing that God is love.