Today is Monday. With every passing Monday I am reminded by weight of the guilt looming over me that I have not been doing the things I set out to do. All my excuses catch up with me and I realize yet another week has passed. I put the pro in procrastinate. And let’s face it. I’m not getting any younger.
I got the idea for this blog years ago when I was doing fairly well online. Had about 5000 subscribers, sold about 700 ebooks and despite being sort of ripped off by the questionable business practices of a marketing guru, I was making pretty good money with affiliates and direct sales. I was contributing to my family and it felt great. I felt useful.
And then suddenly, I burned out pretty fast and pretty hard. I got in over my head. In addition to running my own business, my five kids kept me busy. Life’s little stresses piled on. I had all these big ideas I didn’t know how to execute. Tried learning how to build more complex code but it sent my head spinning. Migraine mania. Nothing worse than an online computer genius telling me something is supposed to be easy and then trying to apply it with my creative little mind but failing miserably and not understanding why.
I really just wanted to write. So I did. I kept loads of my journaled thoughts stacked in files on my pc. The more I thought I should publish, the more it frightened me. Not sure how much of me was too much. I am the queen of TMI (too much information) after all. Didn’t want to embarrass the kids. So unsure of myself. Didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Lord knows I speak my mind. Talk too much. Get myself into trouble. I can attest, honesty has the kind of power only a few people can handle.
Originally, income was important. That’s how I got bogged down and burned out. Then I started thinking less about money and more about leaving my mark. One of the pages I follow, Merriwether’s Foraging Texas, posted this quote on their fb wall: “My goal, when it’s all said and done, is to give more to the future than I’ve taken from the past.”
I love that.
So now the idea was to leave a little bit of myself on the page for my friends and family but keep it short and sweet. Throw in some humor. Show off the artistic talents of the kids too. Share their art and music. That’s why I called it The Mill Zone, a conglomeration of all our names representative of our “blended” family.
Now that the kids are grown, and I’ve grown a bit too, I guess I have a little more freedom to express myself and no excuses to hold me back. You know what they say, life is what happens while you’re making other plans. I’m a great example of that.
So here I am. Overcoming the obstacle of myself. Hoping I can serve to inspire you to tackle the things you’ve been putting off too. I’m not perfect, not even close. I’m so flawed it’s kind of ridiculous. But I know God is working in me. I know from past experience that sometimes I just have to work through whatever frightens me. Do it afraid in spite of my fear. I’m not saying we have to freak over every detail. Some things are just things but your story, your short time here on this earth, your voice – is important. It matters. And it’s never too late to start even if it IS a Monday.
So, you know all those things you’ve wanted to do?
You should go do them.
One Reply to “Monday: Make It Count”
Love that- overcoming the obstacle of yourself. That is such an important one, and the hardest yet. Life’s stress piles on pretty quick when you are hard on yourself (and I think a lot of us bloggers are) and we always feel like we need to keep up with the latest in blog land.